DraftKings: Pay for Aces, Play your Aces
People of Planet Earth, please, pay for your aces. On a slate that features quite a few, there is no need to tempt fate by not building around at least one solid top tier arm and a mid-tier to make it...
View ArticleIf A Samardzija Gets Chopped In Baltimore And Nobody Sees It…
Chris Davis (1-for-4, 3 RBIs, hitting .268) hit his 5th homer, and the announcers said that it was all Davis since there was no breeze in the stadium. Could there have been no breeze because there were...
View ArticleThor Can Suck My Hammer, and the Top 100 Starting Pitchers, Week 6
Man, I was coming into yesterday afternoon all pumped for today's Profile - high-caliber young gun in Noah Syndergaard going on Sunday, facing my terrible Brewers, it was going to be a monster start......
View ArticleYanks To Retire Memorial Day
This was just announced by the Yankees' front office. "No Yankee will ever wear the last Monday of May on their jersey. 5/25-5/31 will all be retired. We dedicate this to all the Yankees who served...
View ArticleYour One Penny Reserve Bid On Callaspo Has Been Met
At first, it was reported that Alberto Callaspo rejected the trade to the Dodgers. Leaving Alex Guerrero (1-for-2) to stare at Callaspo's smugshot-slash-you mad bro? face. Then, later in the evening,...
View ArticleArcher Takes A Bow For K-ing 12 Mariners
Felix Hernandez went 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners with 8 Ks, but wasn't the best pitcher in yesterday's gaymey. Damn! I wrote the preceding sentence in drool hanging from my mouth while looking at Chris...
View ArticleJoc Straps The Rocks
Finally, the phrase 'riding my jock' could be used in the Dodgers' clubhouse without referencing Alyssa Milano. Joc Pederson went 1-for-3, 2 RBIs with his 15th homer in the 1st game of the...
View ArticlePike Place Now Selling Filet Of Trumbo
To paraphrase Collective Soul, "Diamondbacks, your cup runneth over with outfielders. Don't scream about! Don't think aloud! Trade an outfielder now, baby! Just spit him out! Don't worry about! Don't...
View ArticleOne Man’s Trash: Meet the Matz
Steven Matz (+35.6%) was the most added player in fantasy baseball this past week. The Mets decided to roll out the welcome matz last week and promote the impressive young prospect to the big league...
View ArticleThe Only Way To Keep Mitch In The Park Is More Land
Dude's on fire. No. Need better! He is a high-speed torrent download of a yule log burning. Need better! He is Smokey the Bear at a Porno for Pyros concert, wearing earbuds and listening to Firestarter...
View ArticleTwin Cities Meteorologists Confused By July Sano Day
Kennys Vargas was demoted to Double-A. Shouldn't it be Double-Kenny? It's official, the Twins hate Vargas. They gave him all of about ten days to prove himself this time around. Maybe they just get off...
View ArticleCarGoing CarGoing CarGone
Yesterday, Carlos Gomez went 2-for-3 with 4 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homers. Only took until the 87th game of the year for a big game. Maybe I'm a goofy chicken. Maybe I'm a guy that puts feety pajamas...
View ArticlePiscotty Ready For His Cup Of Coffee
The Cardinals called up their top hitting prospect, Stephen Piscotty, who has a great eye, and could hit .320 with 20+ homers and 15+ steals in his prime. What will he do this year though? Piscotty...
View ArticleAmbulance Chasers, Week 17: A New Rendon(ition)
The home stretch is upon is us! Head-to-head leagues are juggling for playoff positioning, roto leagues are battled for 0.5 points in WHIP every single day and the rebuild is on for others. Oh, those...
View ArticleFlavor Flav Yells, “Yeah, Boyd!”
Whatever happened to Flavor of Love? That show was my jizzoint! And Rock of Love, its companion piece, was the Better Call Saul to its Breaking Bad. You can't tell me those two shows went off the air...
View ArticleTo The Victor Goes Yordano’s Spoils
You know how they have 17 hours of unseen footage on the Anchorman DVD that you spent 17 hours watching to only keep saying, "Well, I know why they cut this out?" In a similar vein, I wrote about...
View ArticlePray For J-Fer To Be Safer
I'm picturing Droopy Dog saying, "Going down," to my Excitement for Jose Fernandez. My Excitement for J-Fer is hooking up with a strobe light honey at a club, and my Excitement for J-Fer's friend later...
View ArticleSayonehara
The Red Sox season is like the guy that knocks over the Jenga structure with the first block pulled, then manages to somehow knock every single block off the table, even the ones on the very bottom....
View ArticleA Think Piece On Rodon
*Grey adjusts his chiseled body, places himself on a seat, props his chin up with his hand, makes sure that he's not covering his mustache.* "Welcome to today's symposium on the intersection of art,...
View ArticleRazznasty League Update: Hungry, Hungry Hippos
With just over a month and a half left to play, it's still a tight two-horse race between Razzball's J-FOH and Hannibal Montana for the first Razznasty championship. The big story right now though is...
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Matt Kemp Did Something?
Look guys. There's where all my skills as a player went. Floated away, like a cloud... It's been a while since I've done one of these round-ups, and to be honest, hanging out over at our Fantasy...
View ArticleCreepers in the Park and the Top 100 Hitters, Week 20
A few weeks back, I was on vacation and the Big Magoo covered the creeper. He did one hell of a job by making good calls and changing up the format. This week, I'm feeling inspired by the Big Magoo and...
View ArticleThe Sun Goes Down On Soler
Jorge Soler is likely done for the year with a strained oblique. This is one of those injuries that comes with a sigh of relief. Yay, I don't have to keep running Soler out there and being...
View ArticleThis Just In, Verlander Not Bad At All
*swirls a glass, takes a gulp. spits it back in a bucket* "That's vintage Justin Verlander," said Kate Upton. "Okay, this might sound gross, but can you spit into my mouth?" That's you getting up...
View ArticleDraftKings: Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow
You never stop learning. Ever. The baseball season is a long race and while you think you may know what a player is or what you can expect, you have to keep checking in on trends to make sure you...
View ArticleHi Ho The Berrios, The Pitcher In The Buy
Let's start on Jose Berrios with what Prospect Mike said, "Berrios has a great starter’s arsenal with a plus fastball (sits mid-90s) and a plus curveball coupled with an above average slider and...
View ArticleForget Hitting Jake, It’s Arrietatown
Maybe it's because Whip/Nae Nae is permanently stuck in my head -- One word of advice. If you take no other advice from me, please, I implore you, accept this advice. If you don't know what Whip/Nae...
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DraftKings: I’m For Playing Holland, Isn’t That Weird?
There was a time when Mike Myers was funny. I know, weird thought, right? Not sure what happened to him. The Love Guru was an unmitigated disaster and everyone hangs the end of him on that but really,...
View ArticleArchduke Of Strasburg Empire Takes Feet Off Ottoman
You wanna know what's on my mind? "If the Nationals wouldn't have shut down Stephen Strasburg three years ago, would they have been eliminated a day earlier this year?" No, that's not on my mind....
View ArticleTyler Duffey’s Madea Goes To The Mound
Yesterday, I was watching the Twins game and I fell asleep and had a dream that Razzball's Twitter account got one of those blue check marks. I'm not sure what this says about my fantasies, but it...
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